Reaping the Benefits

We participated in fertility treatment in our quest to become pregnant, so I found
out that I was actually pregnant very early on…ten days after conception, to be
exact. It was exciting. We had been trying for two years, and we finally had a little
newt in my belly!


So then there is that decision we all have to make: do you wait the three months
that everyone says you should wait — just in case — or do you tell everyone?
As I naturally wanted to — I was super excited. Well, something else made that
decision for me: a baby bump.


Yes, I had a baby bump from about four weeks onward. It was a bump that could
not be hidden by baggy sweaters or a puffy scarf. It was noticeable. People
would move their eyes to my belly when I spoke to them and ask when I was
going to have a child. There were also a few cheeky ones who would ask if I was
pregnant…even before I was actually pregnant. So I had to tell everyone that I
was pregnant before the traditional three months because I could not physically
hide it any longer.


My mother-in-law said to me at nine months, “You’re huge!” And I was.
Absolutely huge. My belly was so large that I was asked routinely if I was having
twins. The craziest part of all this was I was okay with my size. It felt so amazing
to have this huge belly full of my little love. It was the most accomplished belly I
had earned in my 35 years. The previous “bumps” had been the consequence of
too much vino, too much late-night fast food, or a lifetime of too much fresh bread
and 2% milk. So to have a belly with some real purpose was one of the most
satisfying feelings ever!


April 2010, I had my little scrumptious — a little peanut of average size who did
not fit the size of my belly. But whatever… I breastfed for the first 15 months,
and initially my belly sucked back to my pre-baby bump. Once I stopped
breastfeeding, something horrible happened: my belly dropped and created this
very uncomfortable overhang, and a muffin top developed that resembled my
tummy when I was approximately three months pregnant. Yeah, pretty horrible.


Now I am back in that space where people stare at my belly when they speak to
me, constantly ask me when I’m having my next child, and almost daily ask me
if I’m pregnant. The nerve! I know — unbelievable, but actually true. In all of this,
though, there has been one unexpected benefit.


I take the subway every day, into the city from the west end and back again. And
every morning someone asks me if I would like to sit in their seat. Now initially
I tried to convince myself that it’s because I’m a woman or they were just being
polite…then I woke up and realized that actually, people think I am pregnant,
even on my “skinny” days. So in frustration, and seeking justice, I’ve made a
decision: that I will start to reap the benefits of this assumption…and actually sit
down.


-Gray Mama